Week 14 – Seesaw

One of the assignments this week was to watch a movie off their recommended list.  I chose “Cool Runnings” and what a cool movie!  It’s amazing how everything we’re learning and doing is coming together and making sense.  They started off  with a dream, and when that dream fell through, another one that was in a similar vein became a goal.  They never gave up, in spite of all the obstacles. They believed it could be done.

The biggest take away for me was that they wanted it so bad, nothing would stop them.  They also had to put in the work.  It wasn’t just going to happen because they wanted it so badly.  They had to fail, many times, before they got better.  They put in the work.  They also had to face many who thought they were crazy…a pie in the sky idea that was so out of the norm, that it could never happen.  But it did!  And what was so neat was that this was a true story.

So, if they can do it, why can’t I?  They had a steeper hill to climb, and many more naysayers.  Do I not want my dream bad enough?  I know that I am my own roadblock.

I’ve been listening to Earl Nightingale as well and it’s so true about the 1 in 100 who is super wealthy.  At least I’m 1 of the 5 still working (which I don’t mind at all) and not one of the poor.  This course is a test.  I don’t want to fail!  There’s other stuff coming up in my life, and I feel like it’s pulling me down.  I have to give it my all.  Why is it so difficult, when it really isn’t?  It’s that seesaw going back and forth.  Well, this Saturday, I am going to do the Pain/Pleasure exercise and see if that works.  Mark J said it would, so I believe him.  I’ve been putting it off.  For no reason.  What the heck?  I feel so ??????  I keep thinking, what if it doesn’t work?  and then what if it does?  This is nuts!  Is this what they call procrastination?  I’m almost wanting to do it now, but I want to give it my all because I want it to work.  Saturday it is!

Week 2 – Can’t Wait – What if?

 

Can’t wait until I don’t have to look up every step of what I have to do. As an example, I had to go back to Week 1 notes and make sure I did the title correctly.  And it’s not difficult, just new.

Although I am feeling tired at the end of the day, I find myself getting up earlier than usual reaching for my book and starting the morning read.  Now granted, this has only happened 2 days in a row.  I have noticed that I do not want to miss a day of reading, because I cannot retrieve the loss of day or substitute another day for today.  (I think something is sinking in this fuzzy brain of mine!)

I also feel excited that I’m even blogging!  I’ve read some that are amazing and I hope to be able to express myself as eloquently as that one day.  I can’t wait until I can read this post and see how far I’ve come.  Well, one can only hope!  I do know that it can’t be worse, and I can only get better! Can’t wait for that day!

I also waffle and start thinking, what if, after a couple months, I’m one of those that don’t get it!  What if I’m still the same then as I am today?  But then, the logical side of me says that I’m already changing…even if it’s a small change. But what if?  That’s a scary thought, and I know it’s my old programming trying to push itself in my mind.

How about, what if I have changed for the better and some of my dreams are actually coming true?  That would be AMAZING!  (Chicken skin!)  So,What if there is a positive change after all the hard work?  What if?

Week 15 – AHA! I now know where I want to be!

Another week has gone by, and this past week was a critical one.  A brand new year to do things differently, and maybe even get positive results for my efforts.  What’s different about this year from the others, is I feel encouraged that this is the year of change.  Like the saying goes, you can’t un-ring a bell that’s been rung.  I can’t go back to where I was, now that I’m going through the exercises and understanding the what and why.

It’s like being in a different but same space.  I don’t know how to explain it, yet.  I know I don’t feel the same as I did when I first started this course, but not yet in a “better” place.  “Better” meaning the place that I want to get to…but now I know where that place is!  AHA! That’s it!  I now know where I want to be.  I have a destination, instead of just going around in circles.

Hey, that was pretty cool!  To not really knowing what I was trying to explain to discovering what I just discovered! I’m sure for many this seems so minor, but for me, these little discoveries are amazing!  I have never been so clear as to what I want my future to look like.  The exciting part is the possibility that it can come true.  But it’s not even that! It’s that I know now what I want my life to be.  It’s becoming clearer and my understanding of why is truly exciting!

I’ve heard about the concepts we’re learning most of my life.  But only now is it making any sense!  This class is truly one of a kind.  It is a journey of self discoverey…no matter what your age!

Week 13 – Old blueprint hanging on!

Boy, that old blueprint is strong!  It’s holding on for dear life and it’s cool to know what’s happening, but at the same time, it’s frustrating.  Of course, I forget that its been around for 60 years.  I’ve been listening to Earl Nightingale’s, “The Strangest Secret” and it makes total sense.  It’s really not our fault that we are who we are, but now knowing that we know why we are the way we are, we can change; if we want to.  I don’t know about you, but I know that I liked the path of least resistance.  I didn’t realize I did, but now I know it’s true.  If it was hard to do, I would figure out a reason why I really didn’t want to do it and settle for less.

Now, this is hard and I’m thinking that I can’t do it and at least I tried and I did improve a little, so it wasn’t a complete loss.  Wow!  How easy was that!  That old blueprint is like molasses.  It just clings on!

Well, I’ve decided that I’m not going to give up.  I’ve come this far and I must continue because the results that I’ve seen so far are hard to explain away.  There is a shift, and I will continue with one step in front of me at a time.  I trust this system.  It’s worked for so many, it’s got to work for me!  I’m no that special, in that way!

On and upward!  Boy, what a Christmas season to remember!  2017 is truly going to be the year of change!  Merry Christmas!

Week 12 – Coincidence or something more?

Got a little backed up because my laptop got sick!  It picked up some malware and it ended up in the shop.  It had a major operation, because it had to go back to its original state.  You know what that means!!!  A whole lot of stuff that I took for granted was no longer where it was supposed to be.  What’s worse is that I didn’t know what was missing until I needed it!  Then it was a scramble to try to get it back.  I know, these are just excuses but am I ever so happy to be almost completely on track!

I did want to share an event that happened to me this past week that could have ended in disaster, but it didn’t, and I think it had to do with my attitude and thoughts at the time it was happening.  Maybe because of understanding and appreciating what the MKMMA course is offering?

I was on Maui, installing phones (captioned phones for those with hearing loss) and training a new part-time installer.  The day went well, overall, and for some reason if this happened to me before the MKMMA class, it may have ended differently.

My flight to return to Oahu was leaving at 5:50pm.  They were boarding the plane at 5:10pm (they usually end up boarding later) and after dropping off my new installer, I still had to get gas.  The gas station was near the airport so that wasn’t too bad.  On my way back to the airport, I took a wrong turn, and it was already 5:05.  Finally got to the gas station, minutes away, and ran into the store with my credit card. The gal said to go ahead and start pumping.   I went out to the rental, but the pump would not start.  Ran back in and the gal said she just turned it on, so I ran back to the pump (actually did some fast walking) and pumped in $10.51 worth of gas (usually I put in $5.00 or less). Finally got back to the Alamo at about 5:20pm and as I was being checked in, saw the bus leave for the airport.  I had to wait another 5 minutes and got to the airport at 5:30pm.  My heart was pounding a little louder than normal, but I really didn’t feel as stressed as maybe I would have been in the past.

Of course, the security check line that I got into was really slow.  I did, however, have a pass so that I did not have to take off my shoes.  But that didn’t matter.  My carry on, with a pouch and maybe some ethernet cords in it, was pulled to the side to be “swiped”.  Oh, they were impartial and swiped my briefcase as well.  While this was happening, I don’t think I even looked at my watch.  I was prepared to wait another hour to catch the next flight home.  But, I was not upset!

I remember thinking, “Okay, everything that could go wrong is happening and maybe, I would get to the gate and be able to walk on without waiting or having to wait for the next flight.”  I’ll be damned!  Guess what?  I got to the gate and the last of the passengers were boarding.  Coincidence or something more?

 

 

Week 10 – Having fun with a couple of exercises? YES!

I just got through reading Mark’s Week 10 blog and it was as if he knew exactly what I was feeling.  The feelings of “maybe this is something that can really happen” to “it can happen to others, but not to me!”  I don’t feel so off base, and maybe, just maybe, I can live a life that I’ve been dreaming about.  At least, I’m moving towards it instead of away from it! I have hope!

I am fighting being tired at the end of the day when I do my final read of the day.  I keep telling myself not to give in to that old blueprint.  There has been only 1 night that I can remember where I did give in, and just did not complete the evening read.  Hey, that’s not bad for 10 weeks, is it? But to be completely honest, I have not always been fully vested as I should be.  That’s when my old blueprint comes to bother me. Unfortunately, that happens more times than I would like, but I now know what is happening!  My goal is to not give in so easily.  I am in control!  (That’s what I have to remind myself!)

I now start shouting out “DO IT NOW!” in my car as I’m driving, almost as soon as I start driving, and many times more than 25 times.  Then, right after that I say “I am what I will to be” and I have a list of what I will to be.  As an example, “I am what I will to be…laser focused!”  “I am what I will to be…Confident!”  I have a list of 33 descriptions of what “I will to be” and this gets me excited!  I can actually see the possibility of being those descriptions, and sometimes it’s just a reminder of what I can be.  I also try to add more descriptions when I can think of them.  This has become a daily habit and I really enjoy doing it.

Aha!  I think this is what Mark meant about really getting into the exercises.  Now I just have to apply this to the list of other things I should be doing!  Inch by inch, it’s a cinch!  I just have to find other fun ways to get into the other exercises.

 

Week 9 – Possibilities?

As I was driving the other day, I saw a rainbow that went clear from one side to the other, and it reminded me about the bridge that we need to create from our left brain to the right brain.  I thought that was a pretty cool visual!

I feel like I’m behind in my assignments, and I’m trying to catch up. I can feel my old blueprint trying to stop me from moving forward and taking those baby steps, but at the same time, I start thinking more about what I want in the future that I hadn’t even thought of before.  That maybe, just maybe, I may be able to actually attain some of these thoughts.    And at the same time, discouraging myself because it really can’t happen.  Oh that old blueprint does not want to let go.

It’s exciting because I now know what’s happening.  To me, that’s a big step towards the reality that I can have control of my future if I really want it!  I notice that I guard my thoughts closer than before, and try not to go down the weedy path.  I still cannot claim a full day of positive thoughts, but hour by hour it’s getting better.

I still feel the deep rooted weeds in me, and at least I am aware of them now.  I’m getting better and better everyday!  I noticed that it’s easier for me to do my reading and exercises when I’m working than when I’m at home.  I have more time, but then I fill it up with other things.  Funny creatures we are!

I will continue this course because I know that I have a fighting chance against my old programs and blueprint.  I am thankful for this course and all who are making this possible!  Happy Thanksgiving and Mahalo!